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Ask Michelle
Michelle Obama fields some of your important questions from a resort
where she, her family, her friends, her staff, and your tax money frequents.
'Simpsons' Creator: Real Springfield Is in Ore.
One of the best-kept secrets in television history has been revealed,
with "The Simpsons" creator Matt Groening pointing to Springfield, Ore.,
as the inspiration for the animated hometown of Homer and his dysfunctional family
34 states have a town named Springfield, and that is the name of the state capitol of Illinois.
What did they see on the white house situation room monitor?
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God bless the Republic! THE FUNNIESHumor, The Best Way To Start The Day Japanese scientists invent robotic bottom Shiri Send one immediately to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. NW Washing D.C. U.S.A. 20500, Man Bites Dog
Can I get a side order of grasshopper fries with this dog? Syria is writing a new constitution. Obama told them, take ours we don't use it anymore. Marvin The Martian In "First Contact with Obama" Drop the Towel High-speed Mexican Border Crosser Towed by chopper, fastest barefoot water skier sets new record Mexican water-skier Fernando Reina Iglesias established a new world record for fastest barefoot water skiing in Acapulco. He was was towed by a helicopter while skiing barefoot to reach a speed of 153 miles (246 kilometres) per hour in his second attempt. The local businessman and lawmaker for the Partido Verde Ecologista (Green Party) broke the record established in 1989 by American skier Scott Pellaton. The previous record speed was 135 miles (217 kilometres) per hour. from Webmaster B. javamanmonk: so that is how they are getting here so fast! "Gas is so expensive now that BP actually started inspecting their oil rigs." - Jay Leno KELSEY GRAMMER BILL ZUCKER TOP 10 REASONS YOURE ADDICTED TO TWITTER IS BILL ZUCKER OBSESSED WITH LYDIA CORNELL? Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Guys' Favorite Jokes Def Comedy Jam - Chris Tucker, Bernie Mac (R.I.P.) and Martin Lawrence warning: X-rated language ClassicTelevisionBlog - Comedian Rodney Dangerfield Eddie Murphy - First Black President Big Fat REDNECK Thanksgiving fat redneck shooting gun message: from Bernadine Violetta, Start sleeping with tons of girls, it's so easy, see www.xoxxoxoblogon.com answer: Webmaster B Javamanmonk, I got a girlfriend that weighs 2 tons now, what will I do with another ton of women? (I changed the address to protect the innocent! :D) from Webmaster B. javamanmonk: when you absolutely and positively have to hypnotize and hypnotize quickly, and you don't have time or financial resources for lengthy educational courses, try, the Rebel Psychiatrist. The above, rather lengthy, and very hypnotic article, has been brought to you by the following sponsor. The Rebel Psychiatrist. Tell him javamanmonk sent you. -Disclaimer-
"Hypnotist Thief Uses Astonishing Control Powers To Force Cashiers & Bank Tellers To Hand Over Bundles Of Cash Quickly, Happily And With Absolutely No Resistance Or Memory...."
law enforcement officials concentrate on the following advertisement
Justin Bieber to Launch....Nail Polish?
Bieber nailpolish, N V Gazette, asks the burning question, does he test it himself for quality control? :D Williams' firing from NPR
Williams said in a statement posted on the Fox News website Thursday, "NPR fired me for telling the truth." Gates Reaffirms Position on Don't Ask, Don't Tell
Paris Hilton posted on her website Hey Everyone, as I'm sure you've all heard about my new TV Show. I have a question for you all. As my good friends and fans what would you like to see my friends and I do on the show. What kind of scenarios, scenes and predicaments would you enjoy watching. Curious to hear all your opinions and thoughts. Love you all, hope your having a beautiful weekend! Love always your friend, later on twitter Paris Hilton: Oops. Dropped my blackberry in the bath. :( If you need to reach me text me on my sister's phone. Love Paris xoxo Nude Chorus line does Riverdance!
cricket anyone? Fred Thompson SEZ NC store robbed by man in Obama mask. Owner confused. Thought Obama wasn't coming to take his money until January 1st. Woodward: 2012 Obama-Clinton ticket "on the table" Oh come on... does anyone actually believe Obama would make a good VP? The cause of illegal immigration
from Webmaster B. javamanmonk: After investigating this situation for months, I have finally fround the reason of illegal immigration. Photographically documented above, what would you do? The light is red, but the sign says no stopping any time. guess who's coming to dinner
from Webmaster B. javamanmonk: When you live in the woods, you are often visited by wild critters. This young opossum wanted to help himself to some cat food, that I keep in a five a gallon bucket on my front porch. The unusual thing about this visit, I keep a lid on the bucket. This fellow has been lifting the lid and crawling in the bucket. This time we got him on camera. Who does your child resemble?
Census Bureau, population of the United States, over 309 million, 8% of children born in the United States in 2008 were parented by illegal immigrants Free Nikes for everybody
In defense of the president's remark about a mosque at Ground Zero. Being president, is a lonely tough job. And we all knew; while he was still just a presidential candidate; that he liked to drink, and smoke a little weed. Anybody can have a slip of the tongue after a little partying. What the president really meant to say was, not mosque, but basketball court, and free Nikes for everybody! California
Chief judge of Federal District Court in San Francisco, Vaughn R. Walker's, ruling Thursday, 8/12/2010, will make California the sixth state to allow same-sex marriage, joining Iowa, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Vermont, Connecticut and the District of Columbia. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who had asked the court to lift the stay, said that he was pleased with the decision. So does that mean the Terminator could have been gay? Scary thought, think of it, what if Frankenstien was a Fag.
Animal care possibly contributed to evolution TiffNews10 WiredPRNews.com 2010-08-07 05:22:20 (GMT) Washington, D.C. — Research suggests caring for animals may have had a significant impact on human evolution. As reported by LiveScience.com, recent findings suggest having a connection with animals helped human beings become nurturing creatures concerned with the care of others. Pat Shipman, a paleoanthropologist at Penn State University, is quoted in the report as stating of the subject, The animal connection runs through the whole human history, and connects the other big evolutionary leaps, including stone tools, language and domestication. Instead of being isolated discoveries, there is a theme here. It is very deep and very old. The change to working on the animal connection is stated to have begun approximately 2.6 million years ago. More information about the findings may be available in the August 2010 publication of the Current Anthropology journal. from Webmaster B. javamanmonk:
Happy Birthday United States Coast Guard, August 4, 2010
USS Shamal (PC-13) was the thirteenth Cyclone class patrol (coastal) ship. Shamal was laid down September 23, 1994 by Bollinger Machine, Lockport, Louisiana and launched March 3, 1995. She was commissioned January 27, 1996. Decommissioned by the United States Navy October 1, 2004 and transferred to the United States Coast Guard and recommissioned the USCGC Shamal (WPC-13)., nicknamed "The High Seas". True Story, Coast Guard enlistees must be over 6 feet tall
US Navy recruiting office, Des Moines Iowa, 1966 A young man just out of college, was looking for a Coast Guard recruiter, so that he could enlist. After searching through the telephone book, and finding no local address, he decided to go by the Navy recruiting office, to see if they would sign him up for the Coast Guard. Opening the door at the Navy recruiter's office, he leaned forward and stuck his head inside and asked, "is this where I can get signed up for the Coast Guard?" The Navy recruiter smiled and said, " come on in and have a seat." The recruiter then continued, "you will have to travel to Kansas City, that is the nearest place of a Coast Guard recruiter." The navy recruiter, noting the young man's short stature, then commented, "in order to qualify for the Coast Guard, you must be over six feet tall." This, slightly startled the young enlistee, because he was only 5' 9 1/2". The young man, obviously distressed over this information, asked "why is that?" The Navy recruiter then replied, "it is because, if your ship sinks, you must be able to keep your head above water while wading back to shore!" Who is your real best friend?
This really works...! Try this experiment. Put your dog and your spouse(s) in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you? My New BFF
It was a really good day for me, when I was added as a fb friend, by Socialist Dictator. Meet my new BFF, Broc O'bama. You know your in, with Broc as a friend! I have a friend in Jesus
How do you know, that you are saved? Have you ever been asked that question? Now, I can say, because Facebook said I am. You know that when Jesus and 2 of his friends share a link, you are in! Poor Lindsay, Jail not Good The Original Mickey Mouse Club - The Cartoon Song
When Lindsay Lohan arrived at jail; inmates cheered her on, McChrystal Gives Resignation
President Barack Obama announces that he has accepted Army Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal's resignation from his post as the top NATO and U.S. commander in Afghanistan and that he is nominating Army Gen. David H. Petraeus, commander of U.S. Central Command, to replace him. Christina Applegate Is Pregnant! Married with children opening
Christina Applegate (Kelly Bundy), is pregnant; love and marriage, love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage....NOT! Unmarried with children, great idea for a new show. :D, the actress and fiance Martyn Lenoble are expecting their first child. Applegate 38, Lenoble 41, were engaged on Valentines day, no wedding date is set. Hey Al get out the shotgun! President Obama Says Republicans in Congress Blocking Important Progress
From Webmaster B. javamanmonk: I love this picture of the president, it reminds me of Stan Laurel, I can imagine him saying, "here's another fine mess you've gotten me into Ollie." Rima Fakih, Miss USA 2010
Notice the picture of Pres. Obama looking at the picture of Miss USA lol Jokes people tell me, that are fit to publish. Did you hear the story about: the French soldier that lost an arm during a battle; Napoleon pinned a medal on his chest, and told him that he was a great patriot, and would receive a pension of fr.500 per month. The French soldier thought for a moment, and then said, my general, what would I have received if I had lost both arms? Napoleon responded, I would have given you a commission and fr.1000 per month. So the soldier drew his sword and cut off the other arm. From my uncle, a veteran of World War II.
Jokes my computer tells I was created and programmed by Robert E. Medeksza. How did the gum cross the road? It stuck to the chickens foot Did you hear about the two silkworms that had a race? they ended up in a tie Two men are about to be executed, last requests: one says play the Macarena, the other says, kill me first Why does the golfer have two pair of pants? Because he has a hole-in-one What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses ......................... Why did the little boy put his toy car in the oven? Because he wanted a hot rod. From fan mail sent to channel 5, and told by Floppy and DeWayne Elliott, on the campus of Iowa State University. Pig Latin 101 = igpay atinlay 011ayLesson 2 Get Lost Punk = etgay ostlay unkpay Lesson 3 No More Dow = onay oremay owday
Cough Syrup The owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily from Road Runner Children under 18, do not go past this line, this is a child safe web site!
Subject: Top 36 Things You'll Never Hear From a Southerner :
36.I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. from Hill Climber
Are you a True Democrat, Republican, or Southerner?Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, and raises the knife and charges at you. You are carrying a .40 cal. Glock, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.. What do you do? Democrat's Answer: "Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor? Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? What does the law say about this situation? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a 'Paint and Weed Day' and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior!" Republican's Answer: BANG! Southerner's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hydra-shock hollow points?" Son: "Can I shoot the next one!?" Wife: "You Ain't Taking That To The Taxidermist! " ......................
Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented immigrant' is like calling a drug dealer an unlicensed pharmacist ADVANCES IN MEDICINE....AMAZINGA French doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.' A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks. The Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.' An American doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois , put him in the White House , and now half the country is looking for work.' |
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